Friday, August 9, 2013

Lady Friends

The highlight of my week, my month, happened tonight; Jenny was in town!  Jenny and I used to live together in college.  We perfected the speaking while brushing teeth, laughing until we almost peed, fighting over milk, and dishing about boys while living together. 

But now we live too far apart to visit often, and the "boys" we talk about are our sons, and our gossip consists of family shenanigans and weird produce.  Don't judge, you'd laugh too if you received that parsnip in your CSA! 

This is the first time we've been able to see each other in a year.  We mostly did absolutely nothing for several hours and had trouble going home because we enjoyed the doing of the nothing so much.

We almost decided to meet at the Children's museum with our families, but at the last minute decided that, while our children are lovely, we needed a play date just for ourselves.  I began thinking that I often see people when we set up events for the children, but I rarely get time to just be with my own friends. 

We had dinner and then walked back and forth the length of a small mall for a few hours.  We don't need much more than each other to stay entertained.  However, we may or may not have gotten a chair massage and caused a scene laughing our bums off!  Yes.  That happened.  Our legs were trapped in the massage chair of doom!

If we had taken the kids, we'd be focusing on their fun and proximity to nap time or snack time.  I realized that it is easy for my world to get small and focused on my child, but it felt so great to go out and just laugh with a friend.

At one point I was telling a story about my son, gesturing wildly, making faces (I am inclined to tell stories with my whole body) and saying, "He's just so different from me, where does he GET that stuff?"  And she looked at me with this face.

"What?" I asked.

"You really don't know where he gets that, huh?"

"Seriously, are you saying I'm like THAT?!"

"Nope, not now, but you used to be.  Look, I'm just saying you've mellowed out in the last 10 years."

And you know, in that moment I was so grateful to have a friend who has known me long enough to remember what I was like 10 years ago.  AND she still likes me.  AND she likes me enough to call me on my shit.  How lucky am I? 

I recently read She Matters by Susanna Sonnenberg.  This is a memoir told though the author's friendships with women.  While my reaction to the book is mixed, the message that I took away was that women's friendships with other women are essential.  This is a "space" beyond your marriage, your children, and your job that you can be known, and grow, and be loved. 

I'm going to work on giving myself permission to be with friends more often.  I will work on not feeling guilty when I put other duties aside to be with other women.  I wonder if other moms / women feel this guilt as well?

- Daisy

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