I have been a bit absent from the blog this past month or so. I wanted to write, but I have not been feeling up to it. I've been hot and cold, dizzy, achy, crampy, fatigued, nauseous, dizzy, really nauseous, fatigued, more nauseous and did I mention fatigued? Don't worry it's not catching. It's just pregnancy.
I certainly do not mean to complain. I actually wanted to get pregnant. I did this to my body ON PURPOSE and everything. But, truth be told, this is nothing like the first time. The first time I got a little nauseous on a car ride and had to pull into a rest stop to run to the bathroom and dry heave of a bit. "This must be morning sickness," I thought, "it's not so bad." And it wasn't, but then again I wasn't responsible for anyone else either.
This time I'm getting nauseous on the stairs, stepping out of bed, in the shower, whenever the Hubster talks, while driving, while reading, while cooking, during diaper changes, while picking up my kid, while rocking in the chair...and suddenly I having to stop everything to dry heave. I am so lucky that it's not the full on pukes, (that's only happened a few times) but still, annoying, gross, and not in the morning, it's mainly all day long.
The first trimester is a weird anxious time, full of nausea and other weird symptoms. It is also a time when we keep our news to ourselves "just in case". The first time I blabbed to my family immediately, and didn't tell anyone locally until I had to because I was job hunting. This time I waited to tell my family, and therefore, everyone else, mainly because I found out I was pregnant about 6 weeks before our big family vacation, and I was excited to tell everyone in person, which was awesome. But when a few of my Mommy friends in town started giving me weird looks at play group, I caved right away. It felt so much better to be able to say, "Hey can you keep an eye on my kiddo while I go dry heave into the shrubbery?" It also felt a lot better to be able to commiserate, and laugh, and not feel alone. (It is also AWESOME to have a girlfriend to giggle with about funny things your Ob/Gyn says, or to ohh and ahh over the blob on the ultrasound that is labeled "Baby ->".)
When I told a neighbor a few nights ago about the pregnancy and why I have been hiding under the air conditioner most of the summer, the first thing she said was "Congratulations! I wish I had known so I could've been helpful." And she was right. It would have been great to call a neighbor and ask for a little help on the bad days. There were days when I couldn't turm my head without feeling nauseous, scrolling was torture, and I couldn't even think about fixing lunch for my Personal Assistant, so we popped popcorn and ate it in bed with a movie, so I could watch him and be still. And that's ok. But it would have been ok for me to call a neighbor and ask them for a little help to make a peanut butter sandwich and carrot sticks for the little guy too, because my neighbors are awesome and would have jumped at the chance.
I know why people wait to tell, I get it, I do. But I think that there is something to be said for sharing the news early with a few key people for moral support and actual assistance when needed. Because pregnancy is WEIRD. It starts out weird, then gets cute and round, then ends up even weirder. You're gonna need some help, and maybe even a shoulder to cry on-for no reason at all.