Friday, September 27, 2013

Top 5 Recent Fails

It can only get better from here.

I hope...

1) I meet Jenny for drinks.  I have not seen Jenny for a YEAR!  I am so excited to have drinks with Jenny.  However, neither of us have the number of the cell phone the other person is carrying.  We are "kicking it old school."  We can not find each other at our predetermined spots.  We have both arrived, but are on opposite sides of the "Family Restaurant."  Unbeknownst to each other, we call our husbands (at the same time!) to hack into our respective facbook accounts and send messages to the other person regarding our location.  Now our HUSBANDS know where the other friend is located, but WE do not know.

2) After locating each other, and laughing (then hugging and laughing again) we decide to get drinks.  I make fun of Jenny because I order a Margarita bigger than my hips, and she gets a diet cola.  She's obviously a wimp.  I tell her so.  I say, "Remember back in college when such and such happened with so and so?  And you tell me YOU can't get a drink??"  I laugh and laugh.  Oh.  This is when I find out she's pregnant. I'm a jerk face. 

3) I'm new at this Kindergarten parent thing.  I forgot to send my son's library book back to school for book exchange day.  He is sad and cries when I pick him up.  I apologize and take him to the local library and get THREE whole new books!  See, isn't that better?  Yes, yes it is mama.  You are so smart, and beautiful!  The following three weeks in a row I remember to send the school books back for book exchange day.  So very smart.  And when cleaning under my son's bed (which rarely happens) I stumble across those THREE books from the public library that are now THREE weeks late.

4) The cool weather, in conjunction wtih my son's field trip to an apple orchard, prompt me to make homemade pie crust.  I could buy premade crusts from the store like a normal person, but I have some as yet undiagnosed dilusional disorder that makes me think I can bake desserts.  (Curry?  Yes.  Desserts?  Run away.)  I make a TRIPLE batch of this pie dough.  I am industrious!!  I will make two pies AND turnovers!  I will freeze the leftovers!  I love pie dough!  Because one should not make a triple batch of ANYTHING the first time one tries a new recipe, I overknead the dough.  It bakes like leather.  I have so, so much crusty, buttery leather.  I hate pie dough. 

5)Because I am spending so much time being a lost, forgetful, pie baking, jerk face,  I don't have time to be distracted by other minor details.  This morning I prepare for work.  I have a lovely shower.  A lovely cup of coffee.  I open my underwear drawer.  Oh shiza!  (or "ScheiƟ e"  if you're going to be all like "She can't even swear correctly!" ).

Enjoy your weekend.  I'll be returning books, paying fines, loading the dishwasher, and of course washing laundry.


1 comment:

  1. Yes, but you are still a smart and beautiful mama, according to your son. So, you are smart and beautiful without clean the order of things in the universe, I'll take smart and beautiful and a kid who is not in tears. Good luck. (and I think you are brave to try pie crust. It totall intimidates me)