Conversations with My Personal Assistant

The Personal Assistant on why Gigi is here...with boobs:

 

P: Hi Gigi!

Gigi: Hi buddy!

P: Um...you have personals. Are you going to nurse our baby?

Gigi, wide eyed: Ah...no...

P: Then why have you got them? What are you going to do with them? What do you use them for?

Me: Gigi nursed me with them when I was a baby. Mommies just nurse their own babies.

P: Oh!

 

The Personal Assistant on bead work:

"We are making JEWELRY here people! We're not here just playing with beads. This is SERIOUS."

 

The Personal Assistant popcicles for breakfast:

P: Daddy gave me this popcicle for breakfast!

Me: Oh really?

P: No

 

The Personal Assistant on Caffeine:

P: Why do you drink caffeine Mommy?

Me: Because you and your brother have way more energy than I do and it helps me keep up. And I don't get enough sleep...really I should get more sleep.

P: Oh. And you can't sleep because of the caffeine.

 

The Personal Assistant on Gigi's milk supply:

P: Are you going to nurse our baby?

Gigi: No.

P: But you have personals...oh no...Gigi, did your milk dry up?

 

The Personal Assistant on his reflection in the fitting room mirror:

"Oh! I have never looked more handsome!"

 

-Jen

 

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Quick Fix: Children's Gallery Wall

My Personal Assistant has finally reached that "color and draw and paint for hours" phase and it is pretty glorious. BUT...

1. Every shred of paper he touches is now precious and must be displayed and/or protected from Mr. Baby.

2. They are constantly ripping things off the fridge/splashing water from the fridge fountain thing.

So, with some junk from the basement I made a gallery wall for the playroom. I'm a bad blogger and I don't have a before. So here's the after:

 

Kid Crafts: Easter Window Clings

It's hard to find activities that challenge my 4 year old and engage, but are not hazardous the Mr. Baby (he will eat ANYTHING). This easy peasy no mess craft was great for both of them.

 

No TV

I am aware that the American Association of Pediatrics has some rather prudent guidelines about TV, media, and screen time. Apparently, two hours a day is too much. Kids should be playing, reading, engaging with their environment. I'm cool with the first two, but I could do with a lot less engagement with the environment.

My Personal Assistant's behavior yesterday was so horrible that he has lost TV privileges for an indeterminate period of time. Basically, he can't watch tv or have tech time until he stops asking for it-constantly-at a screaming volume-using phraseology he has not been exposed to under this roof. I am so upset. I really do not know how I will cope.

The following is a true story of what happens when we loose TV privileges. It is not for the faint of heart. You have been warned.

Camp Bedroom: Chalkboard mural

Oh my goodness! I am so super excited about this one...
I may not have Kim K's behind, but I'd like to think I could break the Pinterest with this post.
It's a how to...
Make a mural...
Make chalk paint...
Make a mural in chalk paint...

Make a chalk board mural with custom chalk paint!

I'm pretty impressed with myself. This was really, really super fun.

 

DIY little boy stocking stuffer round up

Christmas around here is a DIY fest, and I love it. I might be crazy, but I grew up getting DIY gifts made lovingly by my parents and I think it is a great tradition to carry on. We have a rule that Santa gifts should be conceivably hand made, if not by us (me) then by some one else. It is a great way to support local (and ot so local) artisans and give simpler toys to our kiddo that leave lots of room for open ended creative play-the kind that builds imagination and inquisitive minds.
That said, stocking stuffing can get pricey fast! A little DIY spirit can also stretch the Christmas budget with out skimping on fun! Follow the jump for my picks for toddler friendly stocking stuffers any boy is bound to love!

Picky Eater = Neurotic Mother

I was SUCH an excellent parent, before I had my son.  Back then MY child was (of course) never going to use a pacifier or watch television.  MY child was going to be polite and get along well with others.  MY child was not going to be a picky eater.

I was a totally rad parent, you know, before I was a real one.

Hush-a-bye Burdie Croon

My four year old is boisterous, opinionated, busy and demanding.  He is creative, curious, shy of strangers but desires to be a leader.   He has no time for cuddles for anyone. 

Life without Internet

Currently I am writing to you from the parking lot of a cute pub in my neighborhood across from a lovely harbor.  You'll have to picture it because I have no photos...

The children are jumping into the water from the dock, and the laughter rides the ripples of water to the shore.  There is a line at the ice cream stand and children with sticky smiles of chocolate.  Someone seriously just ordered Gummi Bears on their ice cream sundae just because she can.

But I'm not here for pleasure...the internet provider who shall remain nameless has bumped us again...that will make two weeks with limited contact with the outside world.  At first I was FURIOUS!  But now....

Responsibilities

A friend of ours gave a wallet and $3 per month to her little boy when he turned 5.  Two of those dollars go in the savings account and one is for spending.

Another friend gave $3 per month but one was for keeping, one was for saving, and one was for giving away to someone else.  

My son, however, has recently been spoiled by my dad who decided to give him a quarter every time he made a basket on the 5 foot net.  Then kiddo followed my dad around for the rest of the trip, "Will you give me money if I take a bath?  ....if I play with trains?  ...if I pick up sticks?  ...if I keep all my pee in the toilet ??"(okay, I could get behind that one!)  

So, we've entered the world of money. 

Conversations with a 4-year-old

A friend of mine told me that 4 is a gift for surviving 3...and our little respite before the whole "school years" start.  I am enjoying the hell out of my 4 year old.  It's not always sunshine-y, but most of the time I am filled with wonder at his growing body, his expanding mind, his interesting sense of justice, and his voluminous curiosity.  His ideas often make me think, I mean, REALLY think.  And sometimes I have to admit, I just don't know.

Nostalgia

 

I recently spent a few weeks in southern Pennsylvania.  This is a place where you need to watch out for the Amish buggies on the road, but when you finally get home you can enjoy a few glasses of sweet tea and biscuits and gravy.  Oh my, I love going home.  And so does my son.  Not only is he mercilessly spoiled by two sets of grandparents, and one set of GREAT grandparents...he also gets to play with all kinds of "new" toys.

Weed Killer!

This entry will be brief and to the point.  I have weeds.  I hate them.  I kill them.

BUT!

I do not want to kill my child with Roundup.

Band Name Game

I'm not sure who started the "Band Name Game" in which ridiculous phrases are turned into pretend band names.  I mean, Green Jello?  Someone played the game there.  My son heard my husband and I joking about this and he's now committed to the name Metal PROCLAMATION!!

1-2-3

ABC, simple as Do Re Mi!  Yes I have the Jackson Five in my head today.  Remember when your baby was so small and you started to teach numbers?  Your baby looked at you with those wondering eyes, as deep as the sea, knowing that you were the smartest person on the planet.  And then...

Futility

I have no pictures this time.  I only offer my exasperation.  You wouldn't want pictures anyway.

About three times a week I remind my 4-year-old boy to watch the whole time he pees.  The whole time.  Do not get distracted by shiny objects.  Do not dance.  Do not sing.  Do not try to do pilates.  Just pee straight into the toilet and nowhere else.

And about three times a week I clean up a pee-swamp from behind the toilet.

I have instituted rules that have failed immediately:

Creation

I love making toys and games out of garbage, or scraps, or bits. My son has an inspiration and I try to facilitate. "My Nutcracker man needs a lady robot to play with, mama!" Well, I've got Styrofoam, coffee stirring sticks, and bubble wrap...let's spend the afternoon making a robot in the sunshine because I'm a "great mom"!

Chant with us

Welcome to Friday!

Sometimes I think my four year old son is a Bodhisattva, back to teach the rest of us how to reach enlightenment. He says things like:

"When I wish upon this star, it is really an angel, and sometimes I like to hear my own dreams because I can fly like an angel even though I don't have wings..."