Conversations with My Personal Assistant

The Personal Assistant on why Gigi is here...with boobs:

 

P: Hi Gigi!

Gigi: Hi buddy!

P: Um...you have personals. Are you going to nurse our baby?

Gigi, wide eyed: Ah...no...

P: Then why have you got them? What are you going to do with them? What do you use them for?

Me: Gigi nursed me with them when I was a baby. Mommies just nurse their own babies.

P: Oh!

 

The Personal Assistant on bead work:

"We are making JEWELRY here people! We're not here just playing with beads. This is SERIOUS."

 

The Personal Assistant popcicles for breakfast:

P: Daddy gave me this popcicle for breakfast!

Me: Oh really?

P: No

 

The Personal Assistant on Caffeine:

P: Why do you drink caffeine Mommy?

Me: Because you and your brother have way more energy than I do and it helps me keep up. And I don't get enough sleep...really I should get more sleep.

P: Oh. And you can't sleep because of the caffeine.

 

The Personal Assistant on Gigi's milk supply:

P: Are you going to nurse our baby?

Gigi: No.

P: But you have personals...oh no...Gigi, did your milk dry up?

 

The Personal Assistant on his reflection in the fitting room mirror:

"Oh! I have never looked more handsome!"

 

-Jen

 

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Camp Bedroom: Chalkboard mural

Oh my goodness! I am so super excited about this one...
I may not have Kim K's behind, but I'd like to think I could break the Pinterest with this post.
It's a how to...
Make a mural...
Make chalk paint...
Make a mural in chalk paint...

Make a chalk board mural with custom chalk paint!

I'm pretty impressed with myself. This was really, really super fun.

 

The Potty Fairy

Kiddo wants to potty train in theory, but not so much in practice. It has been a struggle. His CSID has not helped. Because I respect my readers (somewhat) I will not elaborate. Let's just go with "It's been a rough year, " and leave it at that. But he's old enough that if I don't do something, he's gonna have issues. So when a member of the CSID support group suggested we needed a potty fairy, I was all over that like white on rice.

Bedtime conversations

Tonight was my night to read books.  My husband and I have a very ritualized bedtime routine.  Every other night he does my son's bath and I read books, the next night we switch.  This was my husband's idea.  It's a bit rigid, but I've come to appreciate the fairness of it.  Last night my little guy and I were learning about bats.

bats

He was thrilled to learn that bats eat wasps, mosquitoes, and other insects.  And then it happened.

Me: "Other bats eat lizards, birds, and even fish!"  (This accompanies a rather ghastly illustration of a sharp clawed giant bat with its mouth open baring its fangs swooping down to wrench a gasping fish from the water.  Eesh...)

Him: (with a flop on the bed and a dramatic head toss)  "OH NO!  NOW THERE IS NO BEAUTY IN THE WORLD!!!!!"

Me: "Is there really NO beauty in the world?"

He turns to me wide eyed and says faintly, "There's only 5% left."

Me: "All animals are part of a food chain.  Every animal's body was made to eat something.  Did you know that even people eat fish?"

He boggles, "WHAT is made out of FISH?!?"

"Well, fish sticks....salmon...."

Him: (obviously ignoring the fish stick part) "Oh, I'm SO relieved I don't eat salmon."

The next page was about vampire bats...nope, nope, nope.  I am a coward.  I skipped straight on to fruit bats.  Maybe tomorrow night my husband can teach him about bats that fasten themselves onto livestock, rip tiny holes in them, and suck their blood...I am not risking any more beauty in the world on my shift!

-Daisy

The Best Day of My Life

When I was attending a conference at IUPUI the summer after my junior year of high school, some of the college students on campus lamented, "Oh man...enjoy your senior year!  It will be the BEST year of your life!"  And then later adults told me, "Enjoy college, they are the best years of your LIFE!!"  I, admittedly, got married just a handful of days after I graduated from undergrad, and still, people told me, "Enjoy your wedding day, it will be the best day of your entire life!"

Playing with our Kids... Or, How long can *YOU* play tag?

I am writing this post for my 5-year-old son, who is a believer in science and research.   You know, except when he's determined that he wants Pluto to be a planet, so it is.  It just is, so there.The other day I picked him up from school and we had some time before I needed to make dinner.

Me: "What would you like to do, babe?"

Him: "I want to play TAG!"

Me: "Playing with you is one of my favorite things...but I do not enjoy tag.  Children love to play tag - so the next time you are playing with children, you can do that.  But, what shall WE do?"

Just when you have them figured out...

Recently we’ve been getting compliments on my son’s vocabulary.  This is a new development in the past six months.  Before that, we got questions about why he hated strangers, why he would refuse to speak with people he knew, and why he wouldn’t hug Great-Grandma.  Poor dear Great-Grandma wanted to hold my mammoth boy on her lap like he was still a baby.  Adorable?  Absolutely.  But this was not to be tolerated by the boy.  But my family likes to touch and hug everyone, so by comparison he seemed positively cold.  This prompted many discussions that unfolded a bit like:

The Toddler Vortex

Everyone is fussing about the polar vortex. They have no idea. The real trouble is what happens to kids and therefore stay at home parents, when everyone is stuck inside for days...it gets WEIRD.

I call it "The Toddler Vortex." It is much more frightening than a little bit of cold weather.

If I could, I would totally put on my long johns and happily go to some office somewhere, rather than stay home to weather the storm my toddler has been brewing.

Here's a sample of our morning, before I was able to so much as drink my tea.

We need a joke.

I think my Personal Assistant knows I am stressed.

He rubbed my back today when I burst into tears after the latest bit of "Not terrible, just terribly inconvenient" news and said, "I think you are just having a frustrating day Mommy." Poor kid. He is two-and-a-half and already doomed to a life of unrequited empathy.

Quick Mama Moment

Today I observed my adorable baby, and realized how really grown up he really is.

He was sleepy and I asked, "Do you want me to hold you?"  I got a very polite, "No thanks mama."

Hush-a-bye Burdie Croon

My four year old is boisterous, opinionated, busy and demanding.  He is creative, curious, shy of strangers but desires to be a leader.   He has no time for cuddles for anyone. 

Life without Internet

Currently I am writing to you from the parking lot of a cute pub in my neighborhood across from a lovely harbor.  You'll have to picture it because I have no photos...

The children are jumping into the water from the dock, and the laughter rides the ripples of water to the shore.  There is a line at the ice cream stand and children with sticky smiles of chocolate.  Someone seriously just ordered Gummi Bears on their ice cream sundae just because she can.

But I'm not here for pleasure...the internet provider who shall remain nameless has bumped us again...that will make two weeks with limited contact with the outside world.  At first I was FURIOUS!  But now....

Conversations with a 4-year-old

A friend of mine told me that 4 is a gift for surviving 3...and our little respite before the whole "school years" start.  I am enjoying the hell out of my 4 year old.  It's not always sunshine-y, but most of the time I am filled with wonder at his growing body, his expanding mind, his interesting sense of justice, and his voluminous curiosity.  His ideas often make me think, I mean, REALLY think.  And sometimes I have to admit, I just don't know.

Band Name Game

I'm not sure who started the "Band Name Game" in which ridiculous phrases are turned into pretend band names.  I mean, Green Jello?  Someone played the game there.  My son heard my husband and I joking about this and he's now committed to the name Metal PROCLAMATION!!

Weekend Project - Skin Care Product Purge

 

One day the sun was streaming through the windows in my bedroom.  My adorable son walks in and initiates a game that consists of tickling, hugging, pretending to run away, and  making silly faces.  My favorite kind of game!  

1-2-3

ABC, simple as Do Re Mi!  Yes I have the Jackson Five in my head today.  Remember when your baby was so small and you started to teach numbers?  Your baby looked at you with those wondering eyes, as deep as the sea, knowing that you were the smartest person on the planet.  And then...

Futility

I have no pictures this time.  I only offer my exasperation.  You wouldn't want pictures anyway.

About three times a week I remind my 4-year-old boy to watch the whole time he pees.  The whole time.  Do not get distracted by shiny objects.  Do not dance.  Do not sing.  Do not try to do pilates.  Just pee straight into the toilet and nowhere else.

And about three times a week I clean up a pee-swamp from behind the toilet.

I have instituted rules that have failed immediately:

Conversations at 4am

Or personal assistant woke us up at 4am. He would not settle down. Even when I brought him to the big big bed for a snuggle. Daisy will confirm that the Hubster is the most reasonable guy you could hope to meet. Which makes his interactions with our unreasonable 2 year old so amusing.

Chant with us

Welcome to Friday!

Sometimes I think my four year old son is a Bodhisattva, back to teach the rest of us how to reach enlightenment. He says things like:

"When I wish upon this star, it is really an angel, and sometimes I like to hear my own dreams because I can fly like an angel even though I don't have wings..."